Muse (EP)

It all started back in 2014. I had just finished a set of international tour dates. I was finally where I thought I'd always wanted to be; in control of my career with a loyal and niche fan base. I was touring with my music producer/boyfriend who I deeply cared for, reaping the fruits of many years of hard work. I had met him when I was 19 and we had been making music and pursuing a dream together ever since. It all seemed so perfect.

But behind closed doors, I was having massive breakdowns after every show. I'd fall asleep in tears and wake up in exhaustion. I could feel that there was something not right about my life. There was something missing and I didn't know what it was. I didn't know who to talk to or how to talk about it. I could almost physically point out exactly where my emptiness lay.

Upon my return to Toronto, I embarked on a soul searching mission. I wanted to find myself again. Within a year, I made decisions that would change everything. I left my relationship and found myself starting over. Guilt, fear, pain, doubt and confusion hit me all at once. What followed shortly after was scarier; complete silence. I got a job and got stuck in a 9 to 5. My biggest crippling fear had come true. I stopped writing songs. I stopped singing. I stopped playing my guitar. Ever heard the expression that when we experience silence, we remember who we are? I kept telling myself that there is a silver lining somewhere.

Then in 2015, through the most random string of fated events, I met someone who hit me like a wave. Have you ever had a feeling of being so connected with someone that everything you feel whether physical or emotional, you experience in synchronicity? Every high, every low, you go through together in parallel, as if you were one person? There are several terms people throughout time have used to describe a relationship that attuned; the one, twin flames, soulmates, the other half. I call him my “Muse”. I had finally found my voice again, this time by finding myself through the eyes of someone else.

The title track, Muse is the central source of inspiration that ties the 7 song EP together. The first spark of creative thought that sent me down a spiral of writing a whole collection of songs. Ever since I was a little girl, I dreamt of meeting my person. I sort of always had a traditional and idealistic view of what love should be; faithful, honest, and unconditional. “And you are my muse, and I choose, to need you, by my side, to love you, all my life”. I am making a vow here, to stick through thick and thin, to love this person forever.

More is the first single that releases off of the EP. The verses represent the struggles of a relationship; of feeling frustrated, lonely and misunderstood, while the brighter choruses represent the calm after the storm, where your love for the person helps you put all differences aside. “We are sitting here alone in this empty room, caught up in all these crazy feelings I don't know if they're real. And I cannot read your mind, but I can feel your heart. So why don't you lay it on me, and I'll lay it on you?”. I relate closely to this verse, because for the first time, I'm in a relationship where the two of us are willing to confine ourselves in a room and sort things out without walking out the door. I'm still learning to practice unconditional love but the practice of it makes me a better person.

I want to capture complex human emotions in the most simplistic form both melodically as well as lyrically. I dream of creating a sonic space of intimacy with my listeners. By welcoming them into my world and my emotions, I hope my audience will feel inspired to express theirs as well and hopefully discover their emotional freedom. I hope this body of work speaks to you and maybe even relate to you. I've tried my best to make it as authentic to my emotions as I possibly could've. But as everything else that gets communicated, sometimes things get lost in translation.

But that's okay. I'm just glad that you're listening.
 

Toronto Listening Party

Thanks to everyone in Toronto for coming out and making the "Muse" listening party a "sold out" success at Project1664! I feel so grateful to have your love and support and can't wait to perform for you again! Gotta take a minute to thank the #Motion20 team. Couldn't have done this without you.

See you all again soon xo
Astha.

Photos by: Don Quincy